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At Your Own Risk

by CLIFFDIVER

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1.
Elwood's 05:42
Most of the time I have no idea who I am Most of the time I’m just stumbling trying to survive But everything gets clearer when I look at you Most of the time all the voices inside they won’t quit Most of the time I am nothing close to my unironic self But everything gets clearer when I look at you And everything I’ve done ‘til now, is to try and be a better man But the sadness, comes creeping up beside my bed at night And the liquor never asks what’s in my head In my head That was a year ago And I still replay that shit I never truly understood How it could come to this I’m not good enough, not for anyone Especially myself All this time I always blamed you, because if it was your fault then I wouldn’t have to change And I really don’t think I’m capable of that right now Could I find myself in the breakdown? And if I fell from these heights, could I find myself in the breakdown? Eventually I’ll get it right, get a therapist and sleep at night Until then, I’m swimming for dry land I even went to church again, it seems some bruises God won’t mend Nothing’s really going as I planned And I know that I should let you go, but I just can’t seem to so Maybe I can drink you off, maybe I can drink you off my mind I feel like blacking out, forgetting all this stress These empty conversations, I’m already over them I feel like blacking out - who’s blood is on my fist? The only thing I need to know - is will it always be like this? I feel like blacking out (I’m not good enough, enough for anyone, especially myself) Will it always be like this?
2.
I stopped seeing straight About an hour ago Does anybody have a menthol? Hey bro, can I bum a smoke? I drank tequila straight For like an hour or so Is your friend Dom still here? I wanna buy some, well, ya know (Snow) And everything’s alright Everything’s just fine Even though I joke about it It’s not all the time Cause everything’s alright Everything’s just fine Even though I joke about it It’s not all the time I’m pretty sure I wrote a screenplay With your best friend, Sbeve(?) Does anybody wanna shotgun? Hey, can I borrow your keys? I won 8 games of beer bong A horserace or two I can’t go home alone again Can I leave with you? (No) And everything’s alright Everything’s just fine Even though I joke about it It’s not all the time And everything’s alright Everything’s just fine Even though I joke about it It’s not all the time And I can’t stop now, I can’t slow down Cause then I’d actually have to work on myself And it hurts a bit less, when I drink away my stress Back into the corner with my memories of you So I can’t wait until I can’t think straight And leave these hollowing goodbyes behind me So thanks again for everything, you know I’ll feel this endlessly Probably won’t do anything dangerous just yet And everything’s alright (Everything’s alright) Everything’s just fine (Everything’s just fine) Everything’s alright (I don’t wanna talk about it) Everything’s just fine Nothing’s alright (Nothing’s alright) Nothing is fine (Nothing is fine) Nothing’s alright (I don’t wanna talk about it) Nothing is fine
3.
Knocked up was playing on tv again I remember when we used to watch it when we were still just friends It's not the nights I miss the most, just all the little things You left me so unsure of what tomorrow brings So who am I supposed to be when you were the best part of me? I'm trying my best not to feed all my insecurities I know I broke you down and I burned you out But I still blamed you Without your light how will I fight back All of these demons at my door It seems darker now, like all the stars burned out And I can feel my definitions fading I've been itching numb skin, trying hard to feel again Having to convince myself there's something left for someone else And in this moment I am confident that letting go is all I have now Under my control So who am I supposed to be when you were the best part of me? I'm trying my best not to feed all my insecurities I know I broke you down and I burned you out But I still blamed you So who am I supposed to be when you were the best part of me? I'm trying my best not to bleed all these insecurities Because I'm broken down and I'm so burnt out And I can't blame you So what should I do If I can't blame you? The only thing I know for sure Is that I can't take much more of this Will this pain end? Or should I handle this myself? The long kiss goodnight, my hands are shaking now And if I fell from these heights, could I lose myself on the ground? I think I'll handle this myself
4.
Cameron Diaz 04:02
Ever since I can remember I have been lacking most of my confidence and common sense I've always been too smart for my good Pushing everyone away because I could Maybe you should write this down I feel like there's still time to get it right Maybe with some solid ground Where I stand then I can turn the tide With some time of self-reflection I'm willing to admit incompetence when it comes to this Always been too lost in my own head I think it's time to look somewhere else instead Maybe you should write this down I feel like there's still time to get it right Maybe with some solid ground Where I stand then I can turn the tide (I know that I, just know that I, I know that I can get better) (I'm moving on from here - unsteady, unclear)
5.
Lost in IKEA 04:50

credits

released November 8, 2019

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